These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
