I think I died a long time ago.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
