he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
