Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
