and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
