What tipped you off? The sombrero?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
