you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
