Dignity is for republicans.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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