Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
