I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
