ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
