The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
