your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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