my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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