There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
