dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
