Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Randomize
