that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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