oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
