Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
