I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
