looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
