I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
