Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
