Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
vagina is talking i cant
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
