How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just found puke in my bra..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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