Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
