I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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