wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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