if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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