...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Your cock deserves a montage
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
