Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just had sex on a roof
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
