I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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