best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
