Just cropdusted the office
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We left the knife in your bed.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
