I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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