she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
