i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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