Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
