i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
