You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
