i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
