woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
