OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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