I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
