I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
