My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
