My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
