Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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