honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
