I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
