my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
