At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
