2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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